are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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