I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
