I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
