Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we're making bets on your personal life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
