Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
