I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
