you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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