Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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