he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
