3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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