so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Boobs speak an international language.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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