Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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