Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
