We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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