you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
