went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
