Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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