she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
