I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
