I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
