we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
