This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
