I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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