Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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