I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
