i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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