Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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