Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
