She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Vodka?
Forever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
