Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
