I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
