No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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