Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
