Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
