my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
