If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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