turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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