Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
