I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
