Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
