Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
