his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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