i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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