and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
