All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
