I wish I could punch you in the face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
