Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
