Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
