Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
