oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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