my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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