finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
