Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
